I may not understand why I am where I am right now but He knows what is best. He has a plan. One that is magnificent.
So who am I to complain and not trust?
I went home late last night. No, I was not on a date just like everybody else being a Friday and Valentine’s day. I left the office late. Oh no, don’t pity me because I didn’t receive flowers or chocolates or I got no date on this day marked for those things.
I was feeling steady yesterday. Chillin’. No pressure. No bitterness. Not like last year’s when I dreaded it. But not yesterday.
It was an ordinary day for me but for every lady friend and colleague who received their bouquets and boxes of chocolates, I felt happy., I smiled every time I see that they received something from their other halves. It made me believe that if this day is very special to someone else’s, it can be for me too, someday.
My investment/insurance agent called me earlier yesterday and asked me where I’m headed tonight on a date (of course after her usual talk about how the market is good now and I should invest more etc etc). I replied “no date”. “Oh you must be picky, and your standards high” she said. I just laughed.
And it got me thinking. May be I am picky. My standards high.
Maybe that’s why the last one failed. It’s way too distant from the “standards” I set for myself. No, it isn’t a long list, not a complicated barometer, and he need not be a rocket scientist to check all the boxes. He just need to be a simple, happy man. Someone who’ll be my lobster, my other wing. Someone who’ll accept my moods and imperfections, my food diet, yoga practice, travel plans, future plans, my love for writing, reading, watching movies, and of course coffee.
Oh dang! That’s a long list. But not hard at all.
Whatever. Whatever. He’ll come. In time, when I AM READY.
Should I lower my standards? Should I not be picky? Especially that I am not that young anymore?
Nope. Why? Because I am just simply awesome.
If I have my way today, I will re-write the past, a specific portion of a couple years back. As they say, we are a sum of everything we’ve been through and that who we are today is because of what we’ve done and what we’ve decided then. This particular episode of my life, I am willing to let go. It only complicated my life. I am willing to pay for a pensieve (or willing to pay a wizard for this to manifest), so that the person, the memory and everything in between be taken out of my mind.
I shouldn’t have let you be in my life in the first place.
Mistake, you are. No explanation needed.
I’ll take all the blame for this stupid decision I made. For the last time, I’ll let the scar be a reminder of the inconsistencies, lies and betrayal which completes you.
Of course, the past can’t be re-written but I still choose to re-write the past today ( pensieve or not).
There I just did! Erasing every minute details my memory has of you.
You don’t exist now.