Who will but you?
Where else but here?
When will but now?
How will if you don’t.
Because, What is there to not?
It was five months ago when I actively started writing again to free my thoughts and let them fly to nowhere.
I have to release every emotion I have inside my heart because of a recent relationship failure. And i know this space can somehow take whatever angst I throw it to. And it didn’t fail.
And now everything is here. It is a testament of what I went through because of that breakup. It chronicles all the tears, pain, the moving on, the learning and truths I realized, and some inspirations I held on and believed in order to face it.
True, this unfortunate event pushed me to write again. But I am not complaining. The number of people who dropped by, liked, commented, and now who follows I am forever indebted. You were there in everything I went through. I may not personally thank you but know that you were all appreciated.
I can clearly and honestly say that I made it through the last five months because of writing. I didn’t write to impress or to get some followings but you were an added bonus, my cherries on top. Every likes, comments and follows I got somehow took a little bit of the pain.
And so as I continue to enjoy the journey of my so-called single life, I hope to share it with you. And just maybe, I can brighten your day too!
Yes, I am claiming this with all the rains that the sky has been falling in this city called Manila.
We had been drenched for so many days now with everyone dreading the afternoons because it is when the rains would fall resulting in so much flooding here and there and making the 35-minute drive home become three effing hours! Yes this is my city and this is one of the ironic things we have to endure after a very sunny and hot summer. Rains and storms!
And yes this post is all about the rain and me being a queen. The recall of me being one inched on my mind during the three hour drive under the pouring rain when I need to stop and wait for the knee-deep water to subside. Most of the cars did and so I had the luxury of time to indulge my mind on some fleeting realizations on the latest relationship fail I had months ago.
With the pounding rain on my shield and the hazard light blinking on the dark night, I clearly remember that I had worn a shimmering crown and held a heavy but pretty scepter in my early days. And beside me was a tall and handsomey (in his own way) king. I was the envy of most of the girls at school then since my king is that – a cute handsomey boy. We would walk on the school grounds and be presented for all the school to see that we are the most regal and we deserve a red carpet. We would hear whispers of envy and resentment from girls and grade-school like desires from boys as we paraded the school grounds with our court. I waved to the crowd in my most queenly manner. Yes, that was my time to be a queen.
And with that, I know I deserve a king! Not the one with a white horse galloping to my castle ready to combat anyone that comes on his way but a man with all the regal and character of a king. Always strong and protective to his queen. Loyal and true to his words.
This should have been my rule. That I deserve someone not below the ranks but of a king. Yay, this sounds superficial now! The thing is, I should have not settled – to a man far below my standards and character. The last was way below passing my non-negotiable list I carefully put.
But, I slipped! I ignored this ever important non-negotiable list and fell head first, with my heart wrapped in the mushy and gooey feeling called l.o.v.e. I ignored every red flag that I am suppose to notice and act upon. Yeah yeah… blinded and st*pid!
Yep, I learned the hard way.
But I know now. My alter ego is now telling me “Seriously? You said that the last time! And he also gave you a broken heart. You never learn! Hhmmppp!!” This she tells me with her eyes rolling. Hay…
Ouch. That hurts!
And so I look for my king. The one who will put a check on all, if not, most of the items I listed on my non-negotiables. The list ain’t long and hard to fill. And I am not looking for someone perfect because I know there isn’t. I just need to find the king clothed and disguised as a normal person. I’ll shed my crown and scepter too and be completely the normal girl. And no, I’ll not be waiting for someone holding a glass slipper. A pair of a three- inch wedge sandals will do!
Simple eh. And yet, there are so many bitch*s out there ( because this kind doesn’t deserve to be called girls) who in our local language are naka-abang ( girls who are waiting) for their sliver of chance to grab, to be always available so that they can squeeze in their pitiful self to steal someone else’s. They just don’t care. They just do what they do.
Guys have their bro code. Their unwritten rule that when they know that a girl is taken they simply retreat and will not step in. And I respect them for this. They can be flirty and two timing jerks and sometimes are douche bags but they know how to set their boundaries especially for girls already taken.
I know girl friends have this. No dating of someone else’s ex. I think we should extend this rule to every female in the planet. No flirting with and stealing someone else’s boyfriend. Are they not aware of the lesson of karma, and of the greatest rule – do not do unto others what you don’t want them to do unto you?
Some may say if a man is happy in his current state of relationship, he will not give in whatever and whoever comes along. This is beside the point but don’t go shaking someone else’s boat so that if it does, you hop, never minding the pain and hurt you’ll cause. Na ah!
And so like the bro code the guys regard as the golden rule, I wish we girls honor this too. Never steal someone else’s and remember that if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. That’s karma working big time!
I looked up at the morning sun as I wait to cross the street from McDonald’s for the two-minute walk back to my office. With my two favorite things in the world on each of my hand – a free newspaper and a cup of hot coffee – these are what my Thursday mornings are made of.
As the rays of the sun hit my sunburned skin, I say “thank you Mr. Sun, happy to see you today”. It is at 29C this early and it looks like a sunny but a cloudy day, reminiscent of yesterday’s weather when the summer is trying to exit and the rain is attempting to take over.
As I waited for the cars to stop at their own will (yep, there’s no traffic light at this corner of my street), I uttered another thank you – to my lithe body and everything on it – my eyes that makes me see the traffic, my mouth and lips that can make me form a smile and utter thank you to the driver of the white CRV that lets me cross, my hands to hold my stack, and my feet to carry me across.
I said my “good morning and thank you” too, to J, who despite her size (at 3”) always assists me to finally reach the office gate. And the guards who never fail to say it.
I spent my one hundred twenty seconds of my morning today with these, how about you?
Sometimes those unplanned are the most beautiful!
At the Wakepark, Nuvali, Sta. Rosa, Laguna