Christmas Magic!

Somewhere between sipping my coffee today, I realize that maybe one of the magical things that can happen during Christmas is having a wish come true. I don’t know where this came from but this made me smile. I haven’t really wished for anything material when I blew the candle of my birthday cake a few days ago. I really can’t remember what was on my mind either. Maybe I didn’t even have a wish anymore. Maybe I am too old for that now.

And the last couple of years my Christmas holiday was anything but happy. With the break- up as 2012 ended and the meet up last year during the holidays where the pain came rushing back again, the only thing on my mind during these two years was to get out and to leave home. Though I know the chance that we will meet again is very unlikely, just the thought that he is just four houses away makes me want to run as fast and as far away as possible. And so the last couple of years, Christmas was just sad and painful.

True, there was not an excitement to go home especially when dreams related to the ex had been coming in and out of my sleep lately. But I have no excuse but to come home so here I am now. I don’t know what came to me this morning but the thought of what the magic of Christmas can do gives me some warm and fuzzy feeling.

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Maybe the wishes I desire most are the prayers I utter every night. Nothing material but of some that may make life a little bit happier. Maybe selfish as it all pertains to what I want. They say you can never pray too hard or too long for something that your heart desires and so even though my mind sometimes gives up on certain dreams, the heart never stops. It fights it way so that the mind wouldn’t too. It even gives a kick when my mind began to falter. Talk about being hard-hearted!

And so whatever magic Christmas is doing with the prayers I have right now, it is good. And I accept. I feel happy.

I don’t know and I can’t think of any reasons what the Christmas magic is up to. This may even be a make believe! But heck, if it’s feels this good, I wouldn’t deny. I’ll have a grateful heart and I’ll enjoy very sip of my coffee during this Christmas days.

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TwentyFourteen.

I started Year 2013 on a bad note.  I struggled the first few months but learned to moved on.  I learned to accept that somethings and some people never really stays for good.  And sometimes they leave taking something away from you and yet you learn to accept this too.  I learned the hard way in 2013.  The trust quotient and self-esteem has gotten into its super low, I made bad decisions at work, even snapped at few people.  I was mean the whole time, hate and anger ruled my heart.  

This made up my first half.  But I got tired.  The negativity sucked my whole being.  
And I decided to let go.

Friends and family helped me through.  Writing and this blog was my voice to all what’s inside me.  It was hard to get back but since I know that no one will help me but myself and I realized that I owe it to friends and family especially the sisters who’ve been helping me through,  I snapped back.

And so I look forward to 2014.  With a little bit of fear to make it exciting, with some smile to brighten each day, with a whole lot of hope and faith to carry me through, with much gratitude for all things I now have and for the things that will be.  With a little love to put sunshine on my days, maybe some good sunsets to appreciate life  more.

So for 2014,  I made my list.  May your 2014 be as prosperous!

1.  Choose well. 

2.  Forget the past but not its lessons.  And sometimes, it’s okay to look back just to check how far you already have come. 

3.  Be kind to everyone.  Be kinder to yourself.

4.  Got this from one of my readings :  Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.

5.  Read more.  Write more!

6.  Exercise more.  Eat well.

7.  Travel to new places – Bali, Batanes, Paris, South Korea, Coron.

8.  Travel alone.

9.  Peace of mind and of heart.  Happiness in all its form. Love in all areas.

10.  More blessings to share.  

11.  Be a blessing to others.

12.  Be grateful.  See the positives in the negatives.

13.  Learn to forgive others.  Learn to forgive oneself too.

14.  Work hard.  Invest smart.

15.  Let go of the small stuff.

16.  Believe that the universe is limitless.  So ask for anything and everything.

17. Pray more.  Meditate.

18. Coffee and friends are always a good combination.  Give time for both.

19.  Sometimes it’s okay to put up walls.  To know who cares enough to knock them down.

20.  Smile. For every reason.  Especially when there’s no reason.

21.  Appreciate the little and simple things.

22.  Time, patience and faith.  Believe in them.

23.  Believe that God has a way of doing things – in His own way and and in His own time. Trust Him even if sometimes in your terms, it’s unfair and unreasonable.

24.  Love oneself.  You’ll never go wrong.

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Autumn in New York..

October 17 to November 2. From 34th street to Times Square covering Central Park and Rockefeller. A visit to the lady and Ellis island, made famous by the movie Hitch. Capping the travel with Gray’s Papaya (we met a Pinoy cook and a server when we were confused on what to order), grand central station, the Brooklyn bridge and the charging bull at Wall Street.

From M&Ms to Barney at Time’s Square, expect the unexpected in the city that never sleeps..

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in sofie’s world…

sofie is now fascinated with colors and so we give her crayons and lots of coloring books (lest we want our whole kitchen wall to be smudged with her masterpieces!).  she particularly loves violet, after liking the color pink.

her coloring book library is complete with barney with baby bop and bj, dora, the disney princesses and her latest fancy – spongebob!

she colors every time she sees her books.  she still colors way out of the lines though she knows how to hold her crayons now.

she sometimes begs you to color for her.  she would cutely say – tita, color tayo (auntie, let’s color) and hands the crayons one by one.  below is spongebob in her world as i imagined it to be!

spongebob in all color
sofie!

thomas frederick

baby thomas

BORN March 14, 2011 at 642am.  At eight pounds and one ounce and 50cm, it is amazing how your mommy fit you in her tummy.  Just the same, welcome to the world Thomas!  May you enjoy life and grow as beautiful as you are now.  May the love from all us give you enough courage to face whatever challenges life may give you. 

You gave me a bit of scare last Monday with the small seizures you had.  But i know, you are a strong baby just as your mom and dad are.  Right now,  i am just happy you are now all right. 

See you soon baby Thomas!

let it snow!

the snow falling from this blog pages reminds me of a christmas spent in new york.  year 2008, 22 december when i (with mom and dad) landed in detroit and saw a runway in white… all covered in a day-old snow!  first time and i was in awe.

it was a few couple of days more when i actually saw the snow falling in the ground.  until now, i can’t forget how delighted i was and actually was begging my sis to go out and just be under the snow.  watching the snow falling from the sky was amazing and got myself singing ‘i’m dreaming of a white christmas’. 

let it snow! let it snow!

when my sis and i finally went out, the snow stopped! as if the sky was making a joke on me. hmmmppp…. my sis explained that sometimes it stopped for a while and will pour again. okay, i said.  we went to her doctor and i was busy checking the fish in the aquarium when my sis pointed that the snow is falling again.  she told me to go out and check it. and i did! i was so elated and happy and smiling all the time.  i felt so giddy and embarrassed whenever people pass by me. i just smile at them and just continue to hold the snow in my hand and play with it.  i even tasted it! hehehe… i just stopped and went inside when i felt that my nose already looks like rudolf and my hands began to numb after minutes of holding it. i had enough for the day.

i also saw how strong a snowfall is.  it was one time when we were leaving the house that it poured its might.  in just a few minutes, the roads were all covered and walking is an effort.  the negative temperature it brings also is sometimes unbearable.

mom and dad under the snowfall..

it snowed almost everyday when we were there.  whenever we go out my mom is often tired in preparing to go out with the three layers of clothing   just to bear the cold air outside. we were not just used to going out with lots of thermal clothes on us. when the snowfall is unbearable and we can’t go out, we just hang inside the house and watch filipino shows in tfc.

at rockefeller famous ice rink

would i want to experience snow again? hmmm… definitely. especially if it’s with the family.  no snowfall would make it as cold when spending christmas with the family.