Somewhere between sipping my coffee today, I realize that maybe one of the magical things that can happen during Christmas is having a wish come true. I don’t know where this came from but this made me smile. I haven’t really wished for anything material when I blew the candle of my birthday cake a few days ago. I really can’t remember what was on my mind either. Maybe I didn’t even have a wish anymore. Maybe I am too old for that now.
And the last couple of years my Christmas holiday was anything but happy. With the break- up as 2012 ended and the meet up last year during the holidays where the pain came rushing back again, the only thing on my mind during these two years was to get out and to leave home. Though I know the chance that we will meet again is very unlikely, just the thought that he is just four houses away makes me want to run as fast and as far away as possible. And so the last couple of years, Christmas was just sad and painful.
True, there was not an excitement to go home especially when dreams related to the ex had been coming in and out of my sleep lately. But I have no excuse but to come home so here I am now. I don’t know what came to me this morning but the thought of what the magic of Christmas can do gives me some warm and fuzzy feeling.
Maybe the wishes I desire most are the prayers I utter every night. Nothing material but of some that may make life a little bit happier. Maybe selfish as it all pertains to what I want. They say you can never pray too hard or too long for something that your heart desires and so even though my mind sometimes gives up on certain dreams, the heart never stops. It fights it way so that the mind wouldn’t too. It even gives a kick when my mind began to falter. Talk about being hard-hearted!
And so whatever magic Christmas is doing with the prayers I have right now, it is good. And I accept. I feel happy.
I don’t know and I can’t think of any reasons what the Christmas magic is up to. This may even be a make believe! But heck, if it’s feels this good, I wouldn’t deny. I’ll have a grateful heart and I’ll enjoy very sip of my coffee during this Christmas days.