sitting still…

i was on the car waiting for some time to pass when this thought pass me…

oh why am i in a hurry?  is there fire?  this thought was brought about by my need to find the one.  i know it has been looking and looking or trying to find one through my small and unsocialized calendar.  someone asked how can i find one when i don’t go out. yeah, yeah, yeah.

how can i pass through this…especially when the past week was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.  to give up or to just let it be.  in the darkness of the night, i even prayed for strength to make me through life alone… that i can do with a friend and a dog and a house of course.  it was painful to let go of the one thing i want now but they say it isn’t worth letting go when there’s no pain involve. so i say, yeah, it was a heartbreak.

and then just before sleep crept in, i had a change of heart.  no, i will not let go.  i will pray and wish and push (but this is under my mind and heart acknowledging my god knows whats best).  that i deserve what i am telling the universe.  that i deserve to be happy and shouldn’t let go. yeah, i was a mess. or maybe i am just a girl knowing what she wants and and not taking everything in stride.  am i just hard headed?

and so in the early morning of that fateful Wednesday morning, i aligned the heart and the the mind so that i can focus on what i want and what i want to do.  so after some more minutes, before i close my eyes to sleep, i decided to be still.  i will look but i will stay still. and i will pray.  this sounds complicated and i also don’t kow how to do it, but it is the best thing my mind can think right now. ; )