Most of the time, it’s all in the small things. The blue sky and the morning sun that seeps through. The freshly-brewed black coffee. The morning messages that elicits a smile. The luxury of a hot bath. The old book that finds its way again. The comforts of home while working. The soft music on the background. And sometimes it’s just knowing that everything is all right. And also accepting that sometimes it’s not. #sundaymusings
Category: musings
Until maybe.
Photo credit: rainbow salt
When as clear as the bright summer day, he shuts down of any future possibility because of reasons as complicated as the raging storm, I stop.
And turn it all to a blank and dark canvass.
Because, how do I go from here?
Nowhere.
Until, maybe… in a distant space at the right and hopeful time…I will try to open again.
Because hope as minute as it is, gives a chance. To accept, believe and receive. To something and someone true. To something pure and beautiful. To someone right and someone who will stay.
Dusk.
I have late conversations with the moon…
Saturday drizzle.
242pm. 9/25.2021.
Saturday. Not a drizzle and not a downpour. Just a little rain to make you want to curl up on the bed.
Beyond my window is a horizon of black and white and the soft air leaves a smooth cold caress on the skin.
And so I say, where are you? I hope you are fine and happy. As I am.
And I hope I see you soon. If not on a sunny day, I’ll meet you on a day like this. A little bit of rain, maybe on a side street. While you glance at me beneath a yellow umbrella.
Twenty-twenty. Twenty twenty-one.
Just like everyone else, these two years will go down in history as the years that changed it all. Corona virus (Covid-19) happened/is still happening. Masks, face shield, alcohol, sanitizer, vaccines, quarantine in all its forms (well, here in the Philippines atleast where we have classifications like enhanced community quarantine (ecq), general community quarantine (gcq), modified gcq, bubble +), work from home and numerous daily death eased their way in our lives. Where mental health and languishing* are being discussed more openly now.
Despite all the massive changes, I hope we find a silver lining to being cooped up most of the time. I hoped this allowed us to spend more time with family, to up our skills, to value our self more, to be grateful of what’s present, and to look out for others especially those that needed help. To be kind/er.
I hope we don’t label these years entirely as forlorn, unfortunate, unhappy. Tagged it as a death eater, that which it sucks happy memories. Because at the end of it all ( and I am crossing my fingers here), we will come up stronger in every possible way.
And in five years, I plan to reminisce 2020-2021 as the years that sucked but also paved a way to know who I am and what I am capable of.
How will you see it in five years time?
One million and 7.
Tonight I prayed
For you
For the one millionth and seven times.
Will it take another million more
Until the heavens connive
And give me the first day
With you?
It’s time.
I’ll just put this in writing so I’ll remember.
I now know that what I gave to the ex and A were not wasted time or wasted love or wasted feelings. Despite the pain I felt when they left. Instead, it showed the capacity of the love I am willing to share. How I can deeply love, how immense I can feel, and how I am willing to share.
How I am able to withstand the risk of hurting.
So I am letting go of everything about them and make a new space to a new one.
And so I am ready!
Irony.
And yet it is only a thin line. #higherperspective
Looking back.
And on the 28th of December 2016, the silver anniversary of my high school happened.
It was more than a celebration of reminiscing the old days, of remembering who were the class clown, the class nerd, the geek, the beauty queen. It was recollecting how we survived and triumphed every subject, project, class presentation and even the CAT. And how we were the pasaway (naughty) batch. We were smiling and shaking our heads off while we are at it.
It was a good day to remember that where we are now were greatly because of high school, of our teachers, of friends ( and even enemies then) of the values we learned and now lived. We are proud of each doctor, accountant, engineer, teacher, nurse, farmer, entrepreneur amongst us. We are blessed of our batch priest too.
And those we lost. We remembered them and didn’t forget.
That was a long time looking back. But it gives you a sense of pride and happiness that in some way each of us survived and made it.
Unsweetened Musings 