Day 365/365. Who would have thought I will be writing happily today?

At the stroke of midnight, I will leave 2014 with a grin.  It was a feeling a million miles different compared to how I welcomed it on Day 1.  I woke up then with a heavy heart, a headache and a butterfly on my stomach but of the bad kind, the kind that makes you throw up.  Maybe because of the almost 2am sleep, the coffee I drank and the decision that I am not happy welcoming a new day, a new year.  And I will be true to myself that this is mostly because of a meet up with an ex that unearthed some painful memories even more.  And having to hear of a one-year-late explanation why he decided to leave, I could have just leave it cold just like the coffee we shared because all he can muster is a lie.  Yep, this was my Day 1.  Dang!

And all I could think about is to go out, far, fast.  So I did!

I slaved myself to work five times a week.  Literally clocking in at 7am and leaving at 7pm.  And at some point, even on a Saturday.  I survived this kind of life.  The new project at my office made me realize how persistence, thinking hard, eating with people you love to work with (even if it’s a cold spaghetti!), shouting when ideas collide, and some tears would actually let you see the end.  With an almost 200 hours extra work and 90% done,  it was a relief to see the *ERP on-going* sign put down last September.

My sugar went rolling this year.  It never stayed beyond what’s normal but it was high. I did what I have to do but it was never enough.  I accepted that I am a little bit sweet this time.  I promise to do better next year.

I traveled this year.  Puerto Princesa, Palawan, Singapore, Tokyo and Taipei.  It always brings me back to my core.

Someone from the past came back too.  It was a complicated.  And complicated is not good for me this time.  So No.

And I turned a year older!  I hope what they say is true about turning forty.  That it begins.  Well, what had I been doing for the past 39 then?  Maybe, that life, not begins, but will, be better, happier, calmer.  Hhmm, i like that, calmer.

It’s 365 of 365 of 2014.  I will blow the green new year horn we bought tonight.  No sparkles to be lighted for safety reasons and the fireworks at the neighborhood will suffice.  I have good vibes for the number 2 0 1 5.  I will flash  my wide grin tonight.  I decided to be happy.  And if butterflies will be on my stomach tonight, theirs will be just as beautiful as the colors of a new day.

Hurray 2014!  Cheers 2 0 1 5!

Advertisements

TwentyFourteen.

I started Year 2013 on a bad note.  I struggled the first few months but learned to moved on.  I learned to accept that somethings and some people never really stays for good.  And sometimes they leave taking something away from you and yet you learn to accept this too.  I learned the hard way in 2013.  The trust quotient and self-esteem has gotten into its super low, I made bad decisions at work, even snapped at few people.  I was mean the whole time, hate and anger ruled my heart.  

This made up my first half.  But I got tired.  The negativity sucked my whole being.  
And I decided to let go.

Friends and family helped me through.  Writing and this blog was my voice to all what’s inside me.  It was hard to get back but since I know that no one will help me but myself and I realized that I owe it to friends and family especially the sisters who’ve been helping me through,  I snapped back.

And so I look forward to 2014.  With a little bit of fear to make it exciting, with some smile to brighten each day, with a whole lot of hope and faith to carry me through, with much gratitude for all things I now have and for the things that will be.  With a little love to put sunshine on my days, maybe some good sunsets to appreciate life  more.

So for 2014,  I made my list.  May your 2014 be as prosperous!

1.  Choose well. 

2.  Forget the past but not its lessons.  And sometimes, it’s okay to look back just to check how far you already have come. 

3.  Be kind to everyone.  Be kinder to yourself.

4.  Got this from one of my readings :  Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.

5.  Read more.  Write more!

6.  Exercise more.  Eat well.

7.  Travel to new places – Bali, Batanes, Paris, South Korea, Coron.

8.  Travel alone.

9.  Peace of mind and of heart.  Happiness in all its form. Love in all areas.

10.  More blessings to share.  

11.  Be a blessing to others.

12.  Be grateful.  See the positives in the negatives.

13.  Learn to forgive others.  Learn to forgive oneself too.

14.  Work hard.  Invest smart.

15.  Let go of the small stuff.

16.  Believe that the universe is limitless.  So ask for anything and everything.

17. Pray more.  Meditate.

18. Coffee and friends are always a good combination.  Give time for both.

19.  Sometimes it’s okay to put up walls.  To know who cares enough to knock them down.

20.  Smile. For every reason.  Especially when there’s no reason.

21.  Appreciate the little and simple things.

22.  Time, patience and faith.  Believe in them.

23.  Believe that God has a way of doing things – in His own way and and in His own time. Trust Him even if sometimes in your terms, it’s unfair and unreasonable.

24.  Love oneself.  You’ll never go wrong.

Image

 

 

 

 

No way to treat the heart.

My latest ECG showed that my LVH is again pressuring the heart.  I was cleared of it last 2009 and I made it a point to live stress free so that I’ll not strain the heart too much.

And now, its looming again.

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the finding is because my heart was literally broken.  This is the same reason why I was then wary to be in a relationship because I would like to avoid any drama in my life especially those related to a romantic relationship.  I am a drama queen and most of the time I am that emotional.

But I took a risk.  Fell in love. Fell out of it. Left me a broken heart.

What I make out of this? So I that it’ll never happen again or I can avoid it at the beginning.

1.  Live stress-free. From work. From people who complicates life.

2.  Free the mind from anything that’s negative.

3.  Exercise more.

4.  Not fall in love.

5.  Laugh often.

6.  Give thanks.

7.  Appreciate more.

8.  Smile always.

9.  Eat healthy.

Yes, I included #4 on the list. Maybe it isn’t the major reason why LVH came back but I think I can do away from it now.  Just to avoid being broken again.  So that the heart can heal and not feel too much strain.

Because the heart deserves to be happy.

unsweetened.

Today, for the 2nd time I felt it.  My vision became blurred, had a headache and even had some dizzy moments and I was sweating profusely even though the temperature inside the office was cold.  My doctor called it hypoglycemia as a result of my being a Type 2 diabetic.  Hypoglycemia occurs when blood glucose drops below the normal level or in simple terms my sugar just went too low.

My morning started with a conference call from the US at 7am and lasted for more than an hour.  I had a ham sandwich and a decaf coffee after and just water the rest of the morning.  I felt the dizziness at 11:30am. I didn’t mind the dizziness and the headache since I just had my period and thought that caused it.  By 12:10, I decided to join my officemates at the canteen and that’s when I finally realized that I am hypoglycemic again!  I had it under control not like the first time it occurred.  With my lunch, I ordered a bottle of coke (which is now a treat for me because I have been limiting my intake of this one good old “happiness”) and surely after 30 minutes I felt better.  No more sweating and the dizziness had stopped.  Even the headache was gone.

This nothing compared the first time I had it.  I was at the cathedral in Baguio with a friend and was listening to an Ilocano mass (we missed the English mass) when I suddenly felt the same signs.  I closed my eyes so as not to be blurred with the light but when I tried to open them there was nothing I could see.  It was all black! It was scary! This lasted for I think ten minutes.  Afraid that I would lose my balance and fall, I just leaned on the post beside me and took big breaths.  Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale.  Afraid to startle the friend, I just continuously closed my eyes until I saw a light when I opened my eyes.  The sweating continued but at least the dizziness was already manageable. 

My prayer at that time was – believe it – thanking my God for the opportunity to live life.  That I hope my body would reach my family and that I may not cause so much pain.  That the family can go on easily and that they’ll remember me once in a while.  I was dead serious.  No I didn’t see my life flashed before me so I know I’m not going to die yet. But I know if I am going that time, I’ll be okay.  I am ready, maybe afraid but I am much more ready.  This is becoming morbid, so I’ll stop.

I finished the mass and finally had my caffeine fix and I was much much better!

The doctor expertly told me that what happened was triggered by my empty stomach and by the 30 minute running I did at Burnham Park before going to mass.  I guess I’ll be more careful with my eating habits now and be more sensitive when my stomach makes that funny noise again.

A speaker in a seminar once told the diabetic group that we are the sweetest person in the world because  there are more sugar in our body than the usual.  Maybe he is right.  But I am much more to the idea that I am unsweetened. With the way I changed my lifestyle – the food that I eat, and the exercise that I do, I prefer to be unsweetened. Just natural.