I’ll just put this in writing so I’ll remember.
I now know that what I gave to the ex and A were not wasted time or wasted love or wasted feelings. Despite the pain I felt when they left. Instead, it showed the capacity of the love I am willing to share. How I can deeply love, how immense I can feel, and how I am willing to share.
How I am able to withstand the risk of hurting.
So I am letting go of everything about them and make a new space to a new one.
And so I am ready!
I said it yesterday
And I uttered just now
Perhaps today
On the next corner
You’ll be there.
#notlosinghope #tryingtowrite
Day 1. First page. Blank page. Color it wild. Color it grand!
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And at Day 365, may you have enjoyed the ride!
After posting this on FB, a friend asked me if I already found My happy.
And without hesitation I told her I already have and enumerated the following to be.
1. Coffee. 2. Omelettes 3. Coffee and omelettes by the beach 3. Sunsets 4. Good book 5. Reading on the couch 6. Wedges/ stilettos 7. Ballet flats. 8. Rainy days 9. Muffins 10. Touchdowns
She half-smiled. Or made a smirk I think. Maybe she didn’t expect the list to be so simple. Maybe she expects grand things to be included knowing that I am living more than okay now ( maybe by her standards because I know i am just living with what I have). Maybe she was expecting that a man or a romantic relationship is on top of the list.
Whatever she thinks I can’t do anything about it. These what makes me smile now. These are what makes my heart sing. Simple maybe but grand in the way I see and feel it.
Pay attention to your expectations, for they often hold clues about your deepest beliefs. If you “hope” that something good happens but you also worry that something bad will happen, you’re cancelling out one expectation with another. Try “knowing” that everything will work out for the best, regardless of any outer indications otherwise. Even though you really don’t “know” such a thing, CHOOSING to know will make it so!
#flowerdome #sg2014 #singapore
*wings from the heart
Happy Thursday!
Forgiveness begins with the mind recognizing that there’s a truthful logic in how the past cannot be changed, but happily the present and the future can be.
I was spring cleaning the IPad and found this. Maybe a selfie(!) or someone took it for me, I can’t remember. I also can’t remember where it was taken at first but the date being June 29, 2013 helped me remember that this was the day of the latest trip to SG. But this trip, unlike the other trips, was a test of my emotional state that time. It’s as if I was slowly crossing an unknown territory and yet is afraid to know what I’ll find out.
As they says this picture speaks a thousand words. I may only see some sadness or fear here. I may even feel it just looking at it but what’s more important now is I left SG then with some hope that I’ll be okay and that the heart will definitely heal.
I started Year 2013 on a bad note. I struggled the first few months but learned to moved on. I learned to accept that somethings and some people never really stays for good. And sometimes they leave taking something away from you and yet you learn to accept this too. I learned the hard way in 2013. The trust quotient and self-esteem has gotten into its super low, I made bad decisions at work, even snapped at few people. I was mean the whole time, hate and anger ruled my heart.
This made up my first half. But I got tired. The negativity sucked my whole being.
And I decided to let go.
Friends and family helped me through. Writing and this blog was my voice to all what’s inside me. It was hard to get back but since I know that no one will help me but myself and I realized that I owe it to friends and family especially the sisters who’ve been helping me through, I snapped back.
And so I look forward to 2014. With a little bit of fear to make it exciting, with some smile to brighten each day, with a whole lot of hope and faith to carry me through, with much gratitude for all things I now have and for the things that will be. With a little love to put sunshine on my days, maybe some good sunsets to appreciate life more.
So for 2014, I made my list. May your 2014 be as prosperous!
1. Choose well.
2. Forget the past but not its lessons. And sometimes, it’s okay to look back just to check how far you already have come.
3. Be kind to everyone. Be kinder to yourself.
4. Got this from one of my readings : Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.
5. Read more. Write more!
6. Exercise more. Eat well.
7. Travel to new places – Bali, Batanes, Paris, South Korea, Coron.
8. Travel alone.
9. Peace of mind and of heart. Happiness in all its form. Love in all areas.
10. More blessings to share.
11. Be a blessing to others.
12. Be grateful. See the positives in the negatives.
13. Learn to forgive others. Learn to forgive oneself too.
14. Work hard. Invest smart.
15. Let go of the small stuff.
16. Believe that the universe is limitless. So ask for anything and everything.
17. Pray more. Meditate.
18. Coffee and friends are always a good combination. Give time for both.
19. Sometimes it’s okay to put up walls. To know who cares enough to knock them down.
20. Smile. For every reason. Especially when there’s no reason.
21. Appreciate the little and simple things.
22. Time, patience and faith. Believe in them.
23. Believe that God has a way of doing things – in His own way and and in His own time. Trust Him even if sometimes in your terms, it’s unfair and unreasonable.
24. Love oneself. You’ll never go wrong.
Unsweetened Musings 