It’s time.

I’ll just put this in writing so I’ll remember.

I now know that what I gave to the ex and A were not wasted time or wasted love or wasted feelings.  Despite the pain I felt when they left.  Instead, it showed the capacity of the love I am willing to share.  How I can deeply love, how immense I can feel, and how I am willing to share.

How I am able to withstand the risk of hurting.

So I  am letting go of everything about them and make a new space to a new one.

And so I am ready!

 

 

 

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This road trip.

roadtrip

Unlike the others that’s often rowdy and full of loud music, this was silent.  Especially when all what’s ahead are blue skies and some patches of white clouds.  Looking ahead was much easier.  She was silent after I asked her what will change her mind.  She smiled. And looked far beyond.  A few minutes after and no single word uttered.  It seems she went straight into an abyss and has no plans of breaking out.  Not even a scream to let others know.

Heartbreak.  It does that to you.

I pressed for an answer.  I was curious of what was going on on her mind.  What made her decide that any relationship is not worthy to be risked for again?  How can someone hurt another so much they decide that they had enough?

I guess I will never know her answer. Maybe because I saw how her world collided after.  How tears were always present on her cheeks.  How her life went from happy to uncertain.

On another road trip, I will ask again.  Hopefully, I’ll get an answer.  Or an explanation what or who will change her mind.

 

 

 

 

 

The Hills.

With hand clasp, we run uphill
With each breath expecting
Cold with morning mist
Our hands never leaving.

With the sun rising
Witness of how we began
Promised never to part
The heart is now melting.

The church on the centerfield
Promises made on the stones
Never to part but to make it last
A silent prayer to make us through.

Days passed and stars fades
The promised washed by the wind
Though I still go and I still run
Alone now.

Almost a fading memory
Of how we started
My mind still holds true
The hand clasp, the morning mist, the promises
Now broken.