I don’t know what’s worst – my hangover, the coffee I drank after drinking (which I think is the reason of this bad feeling), or the impromptu talk with the ex.
After the mini reunion, we drove to a 24 hour cafe and had the talk which has been overdue for a year. We are separated by miles and ours was a long distance affair. So the breakup was also made through long distance with the help of viber. And I wasn’t happy with that. No one deserves a break-up through viber!!!
Beside the usual how are you and how’s your work, i know I made it known to him how hard I cope up with the breakup, how he made me feel about the breakup and how over time I finally coped and moved on. I know I should have not said these things to him because they say these are signs of weakness but I had to. Well, it was what i decided upon that very moment and I can’t take it back now.
He said sorry to me. I never bothered to see him straight into his eye if he meant it well. Because I can’t. I still can’t.
Which led me to asking, am I really not over him? Am I still hoping? Am I afraid to forgive him because I am finally accepting and acknowledging that what he did is now okay with me? Now there were more questions than answers.
I am a mess. I am screwed! I’m pathetic!
This is not going where I am suppose to go…
My only consolation to this I guess is that I know this will pass. The feelings, the second guessing, the questions, the doubts. I’ll just let time do it for me. And the firm decision on my end not to screw it up again, and again.
And maybe, with fingers crossed, it’s coming soon.