Making peace 1,486 miles away.

I left Singapore with a sigh, a happy sigh if there is one.

I was on the island for three days carefully walking and passing through the places where I may accidentally see him.  But the MRT was crowded enough, Orchard road was never his hang out place, the Marina was too far for him to go to stroll and I always say a little prayer every time the MRT stops at Newton or Novena because I know that’s where he is.  I know the chance is very likely but the universe didn’t let it happen.

Coming to SG was my way of testing if i can handle myself now.  There are memories I made with him on this island.  And before I got out of the plane last Saturday, I can still feel a sense of fear inside me.  The fear of the what if.  What if I saw him? Or worst i saw  him with his new girl?  I honestly don’t know how I will react.  I can’t even think a smart answer to reply him if in case he asks me how am I.  Or if I maybe able to find any words to say anything. But my friends already decided for me that I will ignore him just in case.

Gardens by the Bay and Marina Bay Sands Hotel
Gardens by the Bay and Marina Bay Sands Hotel

And I went along with that. Because that’s the best thing to do now.

And as I stroll along Orchard and spent time with my friends, I came to realize that we are really two different people on the opposite side. I know he’ll never fit in my life.  And if we try to work things out, there will still  come a time that we have no choice but to let go just so we avoid hurting each other even more.  And so the universe, as early as it can, decided to intervene one ordinary day in January.  I may have a hard time accepting endings especially when I was caught off guard but cliche as it may seem, they have to happen in order for new things to materialize.  And I braved through this trip and made a deep sense of what letting go and forgiving really means.

I am writing this on the plane now.  Maybe flying as high as 36,000 feet and easing through the dark night. I may have erased the fear now, conquering it every step I made on the island and slowly making peace with myself and with my feelings.  I left SG with one of the closest girl friend waving goodbye to me.  I may not come back to this island anytime soon but I know that when I do, everything will be never be the same and yet it will be just fine.


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