How’s your lovelife?

The dreaded question of “how’s your lovelife?” was asked from me yesterday from his cousin who knows nothing about the relationship.  What was hurtful about the question is not because I still feel anything for him but the fact that I was in a relationship we were never proud of, in a way, because of reasons that will or may hurt someone in our circle thus we decided not to tell.  Which makes me realize that hey, this is a real deal breaker!  It was a red sign!  But I ignored because I believed him when he told me he’ll work on it.  Red sign number 2!  Because, even though I know he wanted to, he can’t anytime soon.  Whew, so many things left in the dark which my friend summed up as not a good foundation of a relationship.  It was later that I realized this and it left with me a broken heart.

I answered, “I am single.  Just came out of a relationship” to his cousin’s question.  And she wished me, “for sure, there’ll be someone new”.  I answered back, “for sure”!.  Hhmm, that’s the spirit right?  Eventhough, it scares me to be in another relationship again.  My trust quotient to the opposite sex at this time is on the lowest level of the cup and it may take some time to see it half, lest, on the brim.  It has been a tug-of-war for me lately when I try to balance and make sense of what I want – do I pray for a new love or will I accept that I am better left alone?  Such question leads me to some more questions until my mind is paralyzed and stops thinking.

I am scared right now to be in a relationship again.  Unless he comes with a guarantee that he’ll stay forever.  That he’ll be the perfect partner, oopss, not perfect – but someone who’ll complement.image

But of course, just like our tomorrows, it is never guaranteed.  And that leaves me to trust in those who I believe has a say to this.  I will trust in my god and the abundance of the universe.  That somewhere out there is my someday love who right now is also trying to make himself free for me – so that we can be at the right time at the right place. And until then, I’ll be happily single.

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