Because I know I am ready to let go.
They say forgiveness comes silently, maybe in the night, like a thief and steal whatever anger, bitterness, second guessing and pain the heart and mind silently believes and holds. Maybe the forgiveness fairy (if there’s one) came and sprinkled some magic dust while I am sleeping and so this morning I woke up with a heavy heart but with a trace of smile on my face as I see a dash of that rainbow colored dust all over my body. Some seeped in to take away the negativity but some stayed on my skin to let me know that it is time.
It is very poignant to feel these emotions right now. Sad and happy. But I think I’ll take in all today. The combination of these feelings that may burst inside me, hurt me in the process, or heal me as I grasp with all intensity. This abstract of what I felt and what I am feeling – the happiness and sadness -, the learnings that I have to understand, the rules of the game that I have to accept, the decisions I had made, the friends who were there along the way, the values that I am not willing to compromise the next time, the person I am right now – is now ebb in every thread of my being and etched in the banks of my mind ready to remind me of what has been if ever I am faced with the same kind of circumstances (but not wishing to go thru another betrayal again). Oh no, not again.
I know, I may backslide and think and feel bad again but I now trust myself that I am now stronger to deal with it. Not dwell on it anymore. Not let myself be eaten by the same negative emotions I once felt. I know I will try my best not to be in the negative again. No, not try. I will.
And with this sadness and happiness I am feeling right now, may the universe take me as I am – a little bit broken and tired, somewhat confused and perplexed but very hopeful and optimistic of the good and happy things to come. And maybe not just things. I am hoping for a someone too.
Today, April 26th, is a happy day.