Step 1.

Could have been the anniversary today.  First.  But He ended in just a blink.  Maybe woke up one day and just felt it wasn’t working for him.  We are on long distance and I believe it got the better of him.  Adding to the distance is the very complicated mess we are in with the family.  It was an “you and me against the world” as my family never accepted him because of complications of his previous relationship.

And just as the relationship is being accepted in a way, he dropped the bomb.  He lost interest and found another one.  Just like that.  And this one is not complicated at all, not long distance.   Just easy and comfortable.

And questions and doubts came flooding in.  What went wrong?  Was every effort not enough? Was the love not enough?  And he told me pointblank, NO.  If only I could say b——t here!

As I am writing this, it makes me wonder why I am even writing this.  Some friends told me to let go.  He’s not worth even a single moment to be thought of.  He’s not even worth a single letter or a page!

Hhmm.. true.  But maybe, I am writing this for me. For me to start taking the first step to moving on, to letting go.  It has been two weeks.  I’ve drunk (even if I am not allowed to) and cried myself at night.  And cried even more.  I’ve read all the mushy things about heart break and letting go.  I asked myself all the what if’s and could have been’s.   And it’s just funny that the only answer I have right now is I don’t know.

Yep, I don’t know when will I stop crying, thinking and analyzing (or even over-analyzing) what happened.  I just feel that I owe that to myself that I have to.  To take the first step.  To begin again.


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