It never occurred to me I’ll be in this situation. I sometimes asked myself if I am the only one, at this age, to question why. I know friends and officemates who at 30++ are still single and unattached, either by choice or not. Mine is partly by choice when I decided I give my heart a break. I gave myself two years to just play it cool and be happily single. I did – living and taking charge of myself and my life. I travelled, shopped, worked hard and minded my own business. But this year I planned to be on the field again and decided I can take on relationship risks again.
It’s almost end of the year now and not a single date. I never even had a brush of a potential bf material or worse than that, I never met anyone interesting. I often asked myself where are all the men? Or specifically, where are the men my age? Hhmm…all married, attached or gay.
It’s difficult now to find a single guy my age. Almost all my friends and acquaintances are now happily married, happily attached or separated or happily gay. It’s as if, the male population is saturated and you can just decide to be a cougar or get a man old enough to be your dad to be a partner. And neither is an option for me right now. I can go three to five years my junior or senior but that’s it. No one younger or older than that. But I guess, expanding the range wouldn’t get me a higher chance of changing my relationship status anytime soon. Sometimes, it takes perfect timing – being at the right place at the right time – to happen. And sadly, that perfect timing is out of my control and I can’t do anything about it. I’ll let the universe take care of it.
What’s keeping me sane about this decision that I can have a chance of couplehood is my belief that he is somewhere out there. And I believe this with all the conviction I can muster and the fingers tightly crossed. One of the lines I remember in How I Met Your Mother is what Stella said to Ted as she said her goodbye to be with someone else – ‘ I know you’ve waited long enough and you have to wait a little bit more but she’s coming here Ted, and she’s coming here as fast as she can’. And I know, mine is. Maybe a little bit lost on where to find me (and a little bit stupid not to ask directions) but I know he is on his way. No one cynical and jaded is allowed to burst my bubble!
My screensaver screams a line I read about being patient ( I had a very low patient quotient then but I know I had improved). Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to have a good attitude while waiting. And this became my mantra – not just in waiting for the One, but in every situation I am in. I rather not fret about friends being late for dinner or reports being delayed for days or for the grocery counter to be free or the stoplight to turn green. I happily relax and wait for my turn. And the waiting gives me time to think. And it’s good.
I just smile when anyone asks me why I am still single. I have no better answer to that yet. Right now, I will just be happily single.